stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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