I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
