when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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