Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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