Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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