If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
