wat bout pragnant strippers??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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