Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my poor anus
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
