Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
