ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
