Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
