You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
