ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
