just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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