just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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