so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
