Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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