She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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