so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
