life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize