Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
