I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
