my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
