i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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