I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
