I've blown a few things in my day
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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