She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You don't make any sense
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