"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
