I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize