drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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