apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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