Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
