season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
