Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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