im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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