As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
