look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
