you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
