I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
