I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
