Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
