what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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