I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
