ugly people sure do ruin things
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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