hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
