I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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