you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
