I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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