Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
