allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
