Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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