I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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