just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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