So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
