you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
