I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
