I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
