If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
