Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
