all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
worst night to have a conscience
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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