my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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