hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
