I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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