Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i will never coherently bang her
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
