That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
