Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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