her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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