fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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