Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
