oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We got so high we made milksteak
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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